Dark clouds dressed the sky. The wild wind created havoc for the hung clothes on the terrace but Tara effortlessly shifted them all to her bedroom and left for her household duties. Married for some 10 years now Tara Ghai was a housewife and mother to two beautiful kids. Her world was restricted to the Ghai abode by choice. An MBA to her credit but post marriage her focus was to maintain normalcy and peace for the occupants of the house. Her in-laws on the surface treated her like their daughter but Tara felt indifference like any other daughter-in-law without any complaints. She believed in the mantra only death could take her away from her chosen world and she felt it was her destiny after all.

Anoop Ghai, a software engineer, at 35 couldn’t have asked for more. Life was good post marriage. His parents were taken care of by his better half. The household chores and duties had shifted from his shoulders without any hassles. He didn’t have to dictate rules as Tara was a saint in many respects. A woman of few words was an added advantage. The world didn’t know that Tara lived life through the eyes of her loved ones. She never felt the need to let anybody know her inner wish. Whatever was expected of her was laid on the platter for the family she got married into. It was a very rare trait for the women of the 21st century as they had their minds which were not eclipsed by the expectations of others.

Avni and Avinash, now 9 and 7 years old respectively, were her bundles of joy. When not in school their mother gave them all of her. Holidays were always fun as Papa Anoop used to take them on trips that strengthened the bond even more. Sometimes those family trips also had grandparents to give them company thus life looked near perfect. Tara was a woman of many shades but not all shades were in the open, some of them she only reserved for herself. She felt blessed. For years now her life was an open book on Facebook. Any new attire worn by her was for the world to see. Any visit to a place or new activity was shared on this virtual platform unapologetically. She was a home bird caged by her set agenda of catering to others’ needs. Tara’s parents wanted her to pursue an MBA she obliged likewise. They wanted her to marry Anoop; she dutifully agreed. Anoop wanted two kids and here they were by the grace of God. In her childhood, she had her friends and she felt a relief as she wasn’t ridiculed nor checked. A boon yet again for Mrs. Ghai.

After ten years of marriage, Tara felt she wanted more from life but wasn’t skilled to do anything on her own. Travel tickets were always booked by Anoop as he never encouraged Tara to try doing it herself. Tara’s commuting within the capital of India, Delhi was his responsibility. Despite having a car she didn’t know how to drive so whenever Anoop was engaged elsewhere he used to book a cab for her. An MBA degree holder had this side too. The reluctance to do it by herself crippled her a shade more over the years. The frustration of being dependent on Anoop for everything doubled during the covid19 pandemic as she was not used to seeing him at home 24/7. She was grateful that willingly without any taunts he used to provide and fulfill her wishes but watching him independently working with deftness awakened certain desires within her.

Months kept rolling, protocols for covid19 became less stringent, and masks were not at all mandatory. Travel restrictions were hardly there, seasons changed and deep down this helplessness started eating her from inside. She was a well-educated woman but was fully dependent on her hubby. Her in-laws loved her in a measured manner but respected her. She was the darling of her kids. Still, somehow dark clouds always made her think to do more of whatever truly would make her happy. Her desires too were simplistic. A life in the countryside with a rural setup beckoned her from within. She yearned for solitude only to be interrupted by the sound of water from a stream. Lush greenery pulled her. But here she was stuck in a brick house with mounting responsibilities with each passing minute.

Pramod and Lalita Ghai were very rigid about certain things. Food should not be cooked by servants as long as they are alive. The daughter-in-law should avoid working because she should only focus on the upbringing of her children. Friendships before marriage should only be limited to social media. Women after marriage should be accompanied by their husbands wherever they go. Without any discomfort, Tara followed it all without even a whimper. The pandemic opened her eyes as despite working from home she did not get any help from Anoop be it kids, house, his parents, societal duties, and virtual meet-ups. He never took a stand when she was banned from entertaining friendships as he just gave in.

Like a slave, she bore it all but the 2023 monsoons changed things. Summer holidays were going on and kids were at the summer camp. Anoop returned home and found a note on his study table that read:

‘Darling hubby Anoop, you showed me the way unknowingly. Glad the pandemic happened and my eyes opened. I thank these dark clouds that hovered once again pushed me to take this step. I will be away till I feel alive again. It’s not the end of our relationship as my kids are my world but I guess this break is long overdue. You are not a bad husband but I guess I gave too much of myself without asking. I want to feel freedom in my veins the way I did during my childhood. I need to learn how to drive, I want to travel by arranging for my tickets. I wish to book a cab without any interference from you. I want to fall and rise from the mistakes that I am destined to commit as I would like to be on my own. I am hungry for rural life, the simplicity that life has to offer. I want to feed the child living inside me who never saw the light of day. The security blanket that you created for me suffocates me. In my 32nd year, this is the gift I want to give myself as my birthday present. Please cover up for me while I am away. Thank You. I need to breathe and go past these dark clouds created by myself.