A sun-kissed day was a welcome change after days of rain. The gloom was too much to handle and the weather had added to the misery. Reena disliked the rainy season. The constant pitter patter made her feel the rain gods were crying with her. The downpour instigated her to think negatively all the more. It was going to be a year and nothing was going right. In the month of love, February of 1999, her father was diagnosed with asthma. In the same year her mother too retired from a government bank and summer was hot more because of her rising frustration. The job had kept her mom busy but now free time made her a little irritable. This also meant that the burden of running the house was mounting on Reena. 

Reena Jaiswal all of thirty years of age was single out of choice. She was in love yes but the love of her life lived in a different city. They had met on a train to the south of India and had completely hit it off. Ronit was a guitarist and this meant a lot of travel within India as well as abroad. Reena was a child specialist and this meant being on the go round the clock. In the age of booming technology love bloomed still. Ronit was the go to person whenever she felt life was extracting every ounce of blood from her body. She liked to be busy but the latest developments in her family life had sucked the juice. Old age with terminal illnesses is not easy to handle but Ronit by lending his ears at the hour of need used to bridge that gap beautifully. But this was in the past. Ronit had changed.

Time after the clinic meant being a full-on and dedicated daughter for her parents. A round the clock nurse stayed in the house for both but she felt emotionally she needed to be with them too when the clinic didn’t need her. She never switched off the phone and this was a way of being there for anyone who wanted to approach her during an emergency. After all, children of the world could get sick any time and she felt she should be available. Long nights many times became less painful whenever an anxious patient called her for her expertise. 1999 indeed had its shades. December with its occasional spells of rain was cold and foggy. The fog of uncertainty filled her days and nights too.

‘What is this Reena? Are you still awake?  Look at the time.’ hissed her mom.

‘I just got over a call from my patient. I know it’s 2 am mom. But why are you looking so surprised? You usually don’t give a damn if I am awake or asleep. Why this drama now?’ asked Reena. 

‘I had a bad dream. It was way too scary. But I am sure you would not want to know as my spilling it out loud will spoil your chances of sleeping even more. Your Dad had trouble eating today. His spells of breathlessness were on a new level. The inhaler too couldn’t do much. But as he is a fighter his grit got him through and he is sleeping peacefully now after finishing off his dinner in an hour. You see I got anxious and ate less. An empty stomach leads me to nightmares. Just that. I am all set to retire to my room for your peace. But don’t be awake for long, dear daughter. Here I go.’ saying this her mom made an exit to her bedroom.

Reena and her mom had nothing in common but there was a bond. Reena was a true replica of her father. Stubborn, closed, tall, wheatish in complexion and nerdy. Her father was a photojournalist. They loved books. His talks mostly revolved around photography and food. Both were foodies too. Her mom loved meditation and was spiritual in nature. Being a banker she dealt with money almost everyday but her needs were too less. She loved maths hence a banker’s job excited her. The bank job made her stay out of the house as it was an arranged marriage for the Jaiswal’s. The birth of Reena did not evolve any love in their matrimony.  It brought more responsibilities for her and this increased the distance between her parents. 

Seeing Reena grow up just like her father was another blow. Reena felt that her mom didn’t love her like mothers mostly do. She felt she came as an accident and that was enough to kill her peace. She became a child specialist for the same reason so that no child faces those lonesome spells during illnesses which she had grown up with. She felt she couldn’t express and her mom couldn’t reach out to her in spite of providing all the care, nurturing and medication a child deserves. Love between them was too frigid from the very start. Reena was not an easy child. She kept her mom on her toes just like her father. Retirement meant more time with the same man under the same roof which was enough reason for her increasing irritation.

Years kept rolling. All lived in the same house with a set pattern of being in their own worlds. For the world they were a very loving trio. Each nursed a deficit without being vocal about it. 1999 was pushing them all to the brink. Ronit was out of sight and sorely missed by Reena. Reena’s mom kept having nightmares even on a full stomach. Her father’s wheezing was getting worse. Three months had passed and there was no contact with Ronit. This was so strange after two years of constant courtship. There was so much love and now a complete radio silence. Her father could sense that she had difficulty in sleeping but remained silent. Their usual talk circled around the weather, world events and her patients. Nothing more nothing less. All were growing into a self-imposed shell.

Reena’s mom didn’t have a clue about how to disclose it to her daughter that Ronit is no more. He had died in a car crash the same night she checked her for being awake. 26 days have passed. New Year was round the corner.  The nightmares were more frequent and that meant more deaths in the family far and near. The reason for her irritation was this and Reena felt that it was her mom’s job. She loved Reena but couldn’t ever express it fully. She wanted her to forget Ronit naturally without the grief of his death. She knew she loved him dearly. After the birth of Reena her mom was bestowed by this gift cum curse of seeing people dead  through dreams. These people who were to die or died were close to Reena.

Irony was that she was never close to Reena in any way but this was her truth that never can be shared with anyone ever. It was her hell after all.